I WILL NOT ALLOW IT

Choices.

I needed to be braver.
I needed to know I am allowed to make choices.

That the act of making a choice is not a, or part of, “mental illness”.

I can and do choose to fully-reject dealing with
the teaching of psychiatry and such followings.

I am not in denial or “mentally ill” by rejecting that phrase.

I do not want deluded experts of the mind telling me who I am or ways
I should be. When something stated by them becomes more than simply suggesting, it is wrong. If a suggestion starts with a purpose of challenging my uniqueness and inhibiting my desire to define myself, it is commanding and harmful.

I am not prescribed any antidepressant or anti-psychotic.

A prescription substance to dampen emotions — with new or bad
effects from a drug — would be robbing me more of the physical
life I want.

A life I deserve. An understanding of that fact, which
took me quite a long time to realize.

I deserve to not be harmed again by psychiatry.

This is how I think: I want the pain and to know in the future I have moments in the past where I survived from my own
resolve and my own intelligence.

When this happens and I accept that I am allowed to make this choice …
does it mean that I am cured of a “mental illness”?

What does the turnaround equal when I accept that I am able to distance myself from mind “help” and stay as I want to be? That I do not have to struggle to find my place in the world within the confining nature of psychiatry terms and of what it is believed I should be?

“Leave me alone, mental ‘helpers’! I choose to live with the ups
and downs and have a natural, full, life-experience. Each time
you approach, you are an interference and I want no part of it.”

Getting away from the “behavioural health” ideology was a major
requirement in my recovery. This recovery is from that ideology,
not anybody’s perceived problems they theorized I might have.

Knowing I now have even more evidence of how the system is filled
with deception gives me strength today. Realizing how I was correctly
suspicious again, and I was not wrong for disliking the field when I
was a child, is an important connection.

Psychiatric analysis and theory will never “help” me.

I will not allow it.
I will not conform to its ways, nor
let it be in the position to believe it helped me.

My brain will never.
My soul shall not.

Just like with hypnosis, a person that does not trust the hypnotist
cannot be hypnotized to do something against their firm belief.

There was an item I read somewhere about a hypnotist getting people
to cluck and act like a chicken. Out of them all, one person just stood and
did nothing. Why? I believe the article said that she had been made, as a child, to gather eggs and she was afraid of chickens. So, at that time, she had vowed to never do anything pertaining to chickens … so her mind prevented the suggestion from having an effect.

I internally knew psychiatry was a waste of time for me. I knew I should
not trust it and that I would never accept it in my life. That field is filled with deception and a horrible, abusive history which I want no part of. This
history continues with my own experiences that took place even this
year in the system.

Since I wanted to be nice to those who believed they could help, my body
gave the field wasteful chances. Even when trying to listen to segments
of psychiatry thought, nobody could succeed in shaking or breaking the foundation of my firm stance against it.

I see that an internal core understanding was always within me. Protection.
My subconscious automatically guarded me and shut me down when I was
in the presence of those I suspect will harm me with deceptions {or worse}.

I eventually learned I do not have to be nice … or over-nice … to psychiatry and those teaching it. I am being nice to myself when I refuse psychiatry.

Lil’ petite me! I was resilient and resistant.

Never have I told every event of my life to anybody in
“mental health”, nor will I ever. What is the use?

I have my secrets even now after the recent betrayal.
Presently, that keeps me plodding along and able to deal better.

I advise psychiatric patients to always keep certain things in your history
to yourself, ready for whenever the system inevitably betrays you.

Psychiatry accomplished nothing in changing me or getting me to
conform. I have much similarity to how I was years ago. I enjoy it.

I still do not love myself, and never will, but I am now able to like myself
more. This happened only from my own mind and helping myself by
dropping a bullying business and worldly belief system, not because
that business assisted my mind to even get to that point.

Some say that it is a scary time when others are telling us that there is something wrong with our brains and emotions. That psychiatrists
are caring doctors there to help and nobody needs to be afraid of them.

I do not fear what I do not know of concerning them as people; I have
my evidence and know of psychiatry’s interfering ways, which are
to be rightfully feared. It is majorly from its deceptive influences and
force that I grew to hate myself. Who in their right mind would not be
afraid of a practice that repeatedly did {in}actions to make them that way?

The practice has an appearance of being strong,
but any {ex}patient can be stronger.

I am a person. I am alive.
I was strong. I now am stronger.

I am not “mentally ill”.
It does not matter if a psych or therapist ever said otherwise.

They are people entitled to their opinions.
They are not entitled to make me accept those opinions.

I am free to reject psychiatry.

I can like myself as I am.
Thinking that way is something I will finally allow.

Copyright © 2016 Dee Essem/MIND MADE UP