LIKE I WAS NEVER THERE
Throughout this blog, and a main reason for its existence, was the
cruelty and mistakes of my final caseworker … but it was also quite-
negative of an experience with the next-to-last one. Without going into
major detail at the moment, I will simply say that there were a few
things not-appreciated and I became more saddened and unsure of
myself from them.
For this entry, I am recalling a moment with the psych where I just let
it mention {concerning the almost-final caseworker} how “It was like it
never happened.” I did not plan to say that; it just came out. I definitely
remember the look of surprise on his face and a bit of a smile, but I
spoke the truth.
Unbeknownst to me, this feeling I had was actually to be a signal of
how I was going to be when I was away from the entire location:
It was such a relief leaving. It was like I was never there.
Now, there were genuinely some decent caseworkers as people.
In fact, one of my earlier ones was one of the nicest folks I have known. However, I know now that her knowledge was influenced by faulty psychiatry theories and I see it as how it could be starting to corrupt their nature a bit. That makes me sad, because I grew to especially care about that person very-much. I did not want them to trust psychiatry too-much.
It also makes me sad knowing that, from merely being in the location, I was have difficulty which must have made it tougher on her. I was too-sad there, but her smile and genuine ways cheered me up.
Now, God is not in psychiatry {or the DSM labels}.
I see it all as a corruption of spiritual teachings,
where a top-purpose is encouraging wo{man}
to love themselves more than they should.
It is humans’ attempt to become a standard of living.
Time within the “behavioural health” catacombs?
There is gladness to be able to picture myself as never being there.
Although the totality of the experience is something I now put into
the category of a trauma, there is such a relief of not being there and
not being on prescribed brain-toxins for the first time in at least 25
years that I am overjoyed.
What makes some people actually miss such a location?
I think most of it has to do with just being around people.
Socialization is not something exclusive to such locations.
I believe that the facilities cannot honestly say that what they
do is what helps the most. Perhaps it is just the act of someone
going there? I think many people are just “better” there because
they have something to do, while having a belief of being safe and
having an openness to the teaching {which they believe is inerrant}.
I am not where I was any longer.
There is a sense of safety from not being there.
That is what you need to find: recognition of whatever
drudgery is bringing you down {be it a bad one-on-
one relationship or a location that is not good for you}.
I was wrong to stay in a facility, which many believe is a good
environment and beneficial, when it was neither for me.
After a similar understanding, it can be your time to make
a change for the better as well. A change for you.
Copyright © 2018 Dee Essem/MIND MADE UP
UPDATE: 27th January, 2020; just a few word/sentence improvements