I AM NOT A “GOOD” PERSON

I never was, and there is a better me when I believe this.

As well, I understand I do not have to belittle myself
over it … because it is just fine to not be “good”.


“Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked him.
“Only God is truly good.”
Luke 18:19 [New Living Translation]

God was and is a spirit and not able to be un-good. Humans can
only be “good” compared to the perfect God who is good. With
consistency, we fail.

As a mere person, I needed to stop practicing to be “good”. To stop
thinking this concept of “good” was really something genuine for
humans and what I needed to struggle to attain.


We hear people ask “Why do bad things happen to good people?”
Thinking they are “good”, they expect that means an entitlement
to never having the “bad” happen.

Unhelpful things can and just-happen … to people.


We hear folks speak of how they “try to be good”.
Seriously, what does that even mean?

If you are still trying to be something, could you
truthfully say that you currently are that something?

If you have done something horrible in the past,
then you are wrong if you say that you are “good”
because that something ruined the concept.

Or maybe you think of yourself as “more good” when compared to
someone who did something that many people would think is worse?

How do you define “good”?
Is there not a different definition for different people?


Folks, stop trying to figure out “goodness”.

Forget it.

Do not be “good”. Just do not be mean to one another.

Readers may now think that “mean” has to be in quotations, too,
and also has different definitions depending on how one thinks.
Certainly, but I feel it is easier for us to figure-out and understand
the concept of and ways of how to not be “mean”.

Struggling to think how to be “good”, I was hurting myself. I find comfort knowing I am not and cannot be any definition of “good”. It is a relief.


Today, I realize how I have actually been extremely annoyed in the past
at certain times I did not want people to call me “good”. People from the “mental health” system thought I was too-sad and needed help in praising
myself or realizing that it is okay to accept and speak well of myself.

I needed the opposite.

No, not to learn how to belittle myself {I was rather proficient already}.
It was a requirement of understanding that it was okay for me to accept the
fineness of not wanting people recognizing me for “good” deeds or as someone who is being a “good” person.

All businesses are about their self-preservation. It is more prevalent and obvious, I believe, in psychiatry. It wanted me to be better according to their teaching of what they accept is needed to be better. The greater that psychiatry wanted me to have this “self esteem”, the lower I became
mostly because of what it represents to me: Deception. Dehumanization. Confusion. Bullying. Rape.


I have no interest in being praised for anything. A quick recognition, sure,
but nothing in front of a lot of people. Awards? Banquets? People standing and clapping? Me bragging about something I did so a stranger could tell me that it was nice? No.

I do not need “self esteem” help, as defined by the masses, to exist in the way that is correct for me. That may not be the usual, especially if one is in a land where it is common for people to try and rise to the top and be more successful than others, no matter how many toes they step on {and crush}
to get there.

For me, and perhaps others, it is enough and right for them to be
thanked for a kindness or congratulated in private. Definitely, I do
not want or need any recognition from people in the “mental death”
field; they put on a show because they like to encourage others to have
better “mental health”. They are sheep who mostly do what they are told
to do and do not ever question the system. I do not agree with many of their
ideas and they have shown me their true, faded colours in many instances.


It is understanding and discovering your self WORTH that is actually
something beneficial.
Praising and esteeming yourself too-much will
gain you an over-inflated sense of importance to the exclusion of others.

People usually have a problem with being too selfish: having too high
of a “self esteem”. Is that not, really, what you see most of? When that
happens, it blinds the person from even seeing that as a problem. When I
was in a “behavioural health” program, I heard nothing along these lines.


Even just today, from this year, I read a typical psychiatry-supportive article concerning “self esteem”. As expected, it included the traditional words of how “psychology experts determined” something.

What was the incredible knowledge they figured out this time? How it
was good for people to look after themselves first … and by doing so,
it was important to know that it was not selfish.

Someone could be reading it and think that “Yes! Here is true confirmation from experts that it is helpful for me to continue the same way! I am not wrong and, looking after me big-time always first, I am not selfish! I love myself even more. Thank you, dear and wonderful psych-expert!”


The Bible promotes something different.

The teaching of self lowering is awesome.

Again, this is not suggesting we are meant
to have a pattern of thinking about hating ourselves.
I admit that I was stuck like that a bit and I was wrong.
However, in the psychiatry/ology system, it grew and grew
and I fortunately was able to escape for the better.

I do not and will never love myself.
We can correctly deprecate ourselves and feel grand about it.
That was something I needed to learn and I finally have progressed.
I believe that I had learned it a bit in the past, but the interference
of psychiatry/ology “experts” confused me in my correct progression.

Selfishness will accomplish nothing worthwhile and substantial in your being. Selfishness results in finding yourself more alone. Do you want your time
on this world to end with others’ knowledge that you mostly helped yourself?

Dee INTERJECTS:

Good stuff. Psychiatry would improve if it stops trying to get patients to
think that they should praise themselves. However, since the mental health system thrives in part because it promotes the human’s tendency to love the self, it’s not something that may easily be moved away from. Glad you were trying and that you succeeded! (-:


Oooh, what really peeved me is when I would hear once-in-a-while in groups at the “behavioural health” program how “You have to love yourself before you can love anybody else.” Both caseworkers and patients said so at times.

Why was that said? Only because it is how they were taught and it is
the indoctrinated belief. It is not a fact because it was not true for me.

At least I was able to speak-up about that in one group, saying that I
disagreed with it. I mentioned how I had hated myself … people spent
time with me … then I liked myself more, yet still felt/knew I wanted
to like them more than me because they were kind to me. It was
always easier in life to feel I wanted to like others more than me.


So, basically many times in my life where I was thanked for something,
it was bothering me. It might have actually hindered me from doing things.

In the “mental health” system, of course, they want people to accept
thanks and to learn how to love themselves. That is the “norm”. I would
advise to abandon that “norm”, but this would only be seen as something wrong by the MH proponents.

It is not wrong for me, so they are never correct if they believe it is
right for everybody. I wanted to limit myself and not be recognized.


No wonder I felt out of place!
I was not in the right environment.

The “behavioural health” program was not a healing location, but basically
a spot where one of its most-prevalent ways was attempting to convince patients ways to learn how to praise the self more than one needs or deserves. I think most humans already love themselves too-much.



Also, I do not want to be a “good” patient.

Elizabeth Cohen, CNN Senior Medical Correspondent
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/09/30/bad.patient.save.life/index.html

This, personally, is most-important concerning psychiatry.

“Psychiatry, I will not become a ‘good’ person when following you.
I became a bad {unhealthy} person because of your influences.”

Can I be a “good” patient because I reject the “badness” of psychiatry?

I want to view myself as I always was:

a soul residing on a world that is not in the spiritual condition intended; a
human who was not good and wasted time thinking that was necessary

Was I even thinking I need to act “good” and get psychiatry’s approval?
So complex! No thanks. I do not want to live up to man’s philosophies or ways. All of it will pass away. Psychiatric systems will not last eternally.


I can never look back on my life and say that I was “good”. I sin
probably every day in even a way that I may not be fully aware of.

Everyone does.

So, I look forward to a perfect body and undamaged brain someday.
I look out of myself and long to be in the dwelling of God. I will still
know my imperfect, sinful past and have the scars from my rebellion,
but He will remember them no-more. On this planet, we remember
them often and punish ourselves. Without worldly influences, I will more-clearly see myself as like everyone else: a sinner saved by grace,
who will not have the urge to beat myself up over my mistakes.

Nobody will be in the heavenlies because they had great “self esteem” and loved themselves. Neither the reader nor I can work our way to heaven and think correctly that we are “good” enough and deserving to be forgiven. Nobody gains God’s favour apart from the sacrifice given by Christ.


ROMANS 7:18 - “For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” [New International Version]

In psychiatry, the “self esteem” idea was useless to me.
That term is not in the Bible. We are to deny ourselves.

MATTHEW 16:24 - “Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If any one desires to follow me, let him renounce self and take up his cross, and so be my follower.’ [Weymouth New Testament]

Remember, this is not about denying/renouncing the personality or being.


Simply imperfect, I accept I am not good and not "good”.

So, within me, I learned how I can appropriately dislike myself.
I thought of those words myself and is correct for me; it is pleasing.

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Copyright © 2017-2019 Dee Essem/MIND MADE UP

UPDATE: 6th November, 2018 - just a few added words, some language corrections, and shifts of a few paragraphs; this older writing was helpful to me today, which is what I exactly hoped this blog would do in the future! :-)

UPDATE: 11th March, 2019; again, me of the past helped me in this future!

UPDATE: 12th October, 2019 - switched last two sentences to below
the sentence above them; added “Why do bad things happen…” section

 
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